What it’s like to have tokophobia – an extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth
“I am terrified of having an alien in my belly,” says Samantha, a 26-year-old who suffers from tokophobia – an extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth.
“Seeing pregnant women freaks me out, and even just talking about pregnancy or birth can make me shake, sweat, and set off anxiety attacks.”
Samantha goes to weekly therapy, but says friends and family are not often helpful, telling her “it’s not a big deal” and “you’re overreacting.”
“My husband has wanted a family for years,” she says. “I tried to face my fear and come off the pill, but now I just avoid sex as much as possible because I’m so scared.
“I’ve even thought about taking the pill behind my husband’s back and pretending I can’t get pregnant.”
Samantha is not alone in her fear though; according to a recent study, it is estimated to affect 14 percent of women worldwide.
Journalist with BBC Radio 5 Live, Eleanor Layhe recently spoke to a number of women about their experiences of tokophobia, to highlight the condition and raise awareness.
Laura, a mum-of-one, from Dunblane, had a fear of birth for a long time, something she puts down to “watching the harrowing birth scenes on TV and films, and hearing stories about births gone wrong.”
From a friend whose labour “lasted six days”, to a family member who said it felt like “being split in two”, Laura told Eleanor that the idea that labour would be “too painful for me to cope with" was ingrained in her mind.
However, with the help of Rena Gough, a hypnobirthing coach who runs sessions for women with tokophobia, Laura went on to welcome a baby boy.
Alexia Leachman, who also suffered with tokophobia, now coaches fearful expectant mothers through their pregnancies.
She says that there is a “negative narrative” around birth created by portrayals of labour in TV shows, films, and ‘real life’ magazines that contributes to women feeling scared.
“It’s rare to find a positive story on birth,” she says. “I’m pushing the media for more positive content.”
For Laura, self-hypnosis, relaxation, visualisation, and breathing techniques helped to keep her fears at bay in the run-up to labour.
“I would have been in full panic attack mode by the time the birth came round, with no clue how to get through it if I hadn’t practiced hypnobirthing and relaxation,” she says.
Despite complications during the birth, Laura said she managed to have a really good labour. Her baby, Fraser, is now 16-months-old.
So what can women with tokophobia do?
Midwife Sophie King advises women to “discuss options such as C-sections, therapy, and CBT” with their midwives.
In some areas, Sophie says GPs can even arrange pre-pregnancy appointments with obstetricians for those who are too scared to become pregnant in the first place.
Becky, 26, from Manchester, says: “There needs to be more support groups for women with tokophobia. I was terrified when my waters broke.
"But I told myself that each contraction was one step down the huge mountain, bringing me closer to my baby. The pain was bad, but it was manageable, and the birth was much better than I had expected it to be.
“If I could tell other women with tokophobia my story, it might help them with their fear."
You can read the full article here.
Would you like to be part of our Mums Who Inspire series? Simply email mumswhoinspire[at]
The Parenting Masterclass with MummyPages takes place on Saturday, 21st October. Book now and get your place at a choice of workshops including First Aid, Money Matters, Weaning, Bullying and Mental Health.
