This woman's attempt at old family recipe has us in stitches
We all have that family recipe. The grandmother's apple tart or mother's stew we try our best to replicate, despite vague instructions.
Even with our best intentions, it can be difficult to recreate the tastes of childhood. Krista Ball definitely feels our pain.
In a recent twitter thread, she relates a conversation with her mother in Newfoundland, Canada. While trying to comprehend her mum's instructions, she reminds us of all our mothers and grandmothers in the best way possible.
We dare you not to crack a smile:
The following conversation is no word of a lie or exaggeration. Context: "Homemade bread" is a thing we all grow up with in Newfoundland & it's not like any other bread I've had. So us kids grown up & want to make it.
— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
The problem is that no one believes in recipes. So anywhere, here is the recipe (this is like the 5th time I've asked Mom)
— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
Me: How do I make a small batch of bread?
Mom: Like 6 loaves?
Me: Less, but sure. 6.
Mom: You needs a bag of flour.
Me: Which one?
Mom: The big bag. Not the big, big bag. But the big one. You don't want the small one. I don't know what you got up there in that place— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
"Not the big, big bag", we've all been there.
(note: "up there in that place" = Alberta)
Me: Do I use the whole bag?
Mom: Not unless you want to make a big batch.
Me: Okay then. Some of the bag of flour. What else?
Mom: You needs a big bread pan.
Me: I got that.
Mom: You needs a big one.
Me: Okay.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
As if it was even possible, her dear old mother gets even more cryptic:
Mom: you needs more than double the sugar than the salt.
Me: How much?
Mom: Just pour it in your hand and then double the sugar and then a bit.
Me: How much of your hand?
Mom: Just in your hand maid.
Me: Ok, salt, double sugar.
Mom: A bit more than double— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
Also the concept of numbers seem to be ignored.
Me: Yeast?
Mom: You needs a pack.
Me: One pack?
Mom: one three pack, yes.
Me: okay, so 3 packs?
Mom: You don't want to put in that much yeast!
Me: … okay. What else?
Mom: You gotsta heat up the milk. I puts in 6 mugs.
Me: Cups?
Mom: The glass mug Dad likes.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
Water or milk? It's a tough question!
Me: …I know which one you mean. Okay, 6 mugs.
Mom: If you can't afford all milk, put in some water, but it's not as good.
Me: Ok, just milk.
Mom: With some water.
Me: But you said not to put in water.
Mom: You needs water for the yeast.
Me: okay, so water for the yeast— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
(explains her personal feelings on double raising bread, which apparently is something people fight over)
Me: What do you bake it on?
Mom: You puts in the pans, maid.
Me: I mean, temperature.
Mom: Not too hot.
Me: 400?
Mom: That's too hot!
Me: Okay, so 350?
Mom: I guess. Yes.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
Me: How long?
Mom: Until it's baked.
Me: How long does that take?
Mom: Depends on how full the oven is. Then you takes it out, rubs butter all over it, and lets it cool. It's not hard.
Me: … this is like building a nuclear bomb.— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
(note that this is all done while shouting because she can't hear me over the phone and refuses to turn down the TV)
— Krista D. Ball (@kristadb1) 24 November 2017
Absolutely hilarious! We would definitely try this recipe for a laugh.