'She isn’t grumpy – she’s almost three-years-old, she’s a toddler, and she’s also autistic'
Jessica Offer is a mum to four beautiful daughters: two who have autism and two who don't.
The Australian mum, who blogs at GirlTribe, recently wrote an open letter addressed to everyone who has ever called her three-year-old daughter grumpy, in a bid to shine a light on ASD.
Here is her open letter in full:
If I had to tell you how many times people have commented on my daughter Beans’ disposition as being “grumpy”, well.. I’d completely lose track.
It happens daily, really.
But the thing is; she isn’t grumpy – she’s almost 3 years old, she’s a toddler, and she’s also autistic.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know she doesn’t get “shy” around strangers – she actually struggles socially.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know it takes her a long time to warm up to people.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d realise that trying to get her to give you eye contact or say hello is really distressing for her, and you’d back off.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know it takes her about half an hour to decide on what item of clothing to wear every morning; and that despite having a wardrobe full of clothes – she only regularly wears about eight items.
If you knew she was autistic, you wouldn’t use the hand dryer right beside her in the public toilet and you wouldn’t mow when she was around.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d understand why she likes her food divided up sometimes.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d be compassionate and understanding when you see me carrying her everywhere – because her legs tire easily, and they hurt.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know that if the morning routine is deviated from in any large way without warning she screams and screams.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know how much thunderstorms terrify her.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know she completely falls apart when she’s itchy.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know that some shoes can take a long time to put on comfortably.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d see how at peace she was when she was playing in water.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d realise that an iPad or an iPod is a parenting tool – not a display of bad parenting.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d realise what an epic mimic and imitator she is, and that she’s processing her world through watching and copying others.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d see that her lining up things and having collections is super calming for her – not funny or odd.
If you knew she was autistic, you’d know that when she’s screaming on the floor and I’m not cuddling her or touching her it’s because she doesn’t like to be cuddled or touched when she’s upset.
It’s not because I’m a bad parent.
And finally: if you knew she was autistic you would know that when she smiles – it’s authentic, [and] when she laughs – it’s from the heart, not just there to please you or make you feel recognised.
When you see her for who she is rather than what you’re getting out of her, you’d realise that she is so much more than just “grumpy” – and you’d put your judgement aside.
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