Parents create unique 'care shared' movement to overcome shortage of childcare
Main feature image above: Emma Dwyer with her partner Andy Forrestal and their kids Radie and Sonny. Photo by Shane J Horan.
Family networks are getting smaller than they were a century ago. Families are smaller, and as a result so is that built in support network people once took for granted. That built in network isn’t a given for everyone, many people live in different counties or countries to where they were raised. Many parents are asking themselves whereas that village we were told would help us raise our children. A group of parents in Cork city are launching a Care Shared concept to give parents that much needed village.
Almost one-third (331,783) of children under the age of 15 in the State are in some form of childcare. A crèche or a similar facility was the most common form of childcare (42%), followed by an unpaid relative or family member (28%). 40.98% of children in Cork city are accessing some sort of childcare services. However, in Cork city there are a dwindling number of crèche places with over 70 facilities closing over the last number of years, there is a gap that needs to be filled.
Behind the statistics, the reality is that childcare in Ireland is not working, it is not universally accessible and it is not affordable. Furthermore, 13% of people living in Cork city were born elsewhere, bringing with them no family support. Care Shared believes that we need to create supportive networks for families, to give a hand when needed, or to look at alternative models to the current offering in the childcare sector.
“I moved to Cork when I was pregnant with my first child. My parents are in Dublin, my partner's family are in Tipperary. I naively thought we would manage as two parents to get by. I moved to an area where I had very few contacts and then Covid hit. I was very lonely yet I had no time to myself.” Emma Dwyer who is one of the parents leading the group said, “It was tough and I only had one or two people I could ask for help, which I felt like I had exhausted. I worked on my partner’s days off as a self-employed arts worker. My parents went through similar isolation, moving to Brighton in the UK in the 80s with myself, my brother and my sister all under the age of six. My mum met a group of parents who had a bean system where you babysat for another family in exchange for a bean per hour. You could then use those beans to get one of the other parents to babysit. She was telling me this, and a light bulb went off in my head. I can do that.”
She has since set up a Facebook group and through that she met some other parents that she has care shared with. “I swap with two or three other families. We all live fairly close to each other. I have done Saturday afternoons minding two kids while their parents go on a date, and we then do the same. I have done night times so that parents can go out to gigs, to the cinema, or just for a bite to eat together and we have done the same. I trust the other families, as we met up a couple of times before doing the swaps and we got to know each other. It felt like we got each other, and we got this idea. We’re all living in different cities to our folks and we’re filling the grandparent or auntie gap for each other.”
Meanwhile in Co. Clare, Dr. Sue Redmond was thinking the same thing and was trying to get a model to set this up as a social enterprise. “When my husband and I moved to Clare with our 2 year old twins we had no family support around us. We met surfing and were drawn back to the surf, but choosing this lifestyle meant we left behind family support. My family are in Wexford and my husband’s are in Galway.”
Sue studied social support and resilience as part of her PhD. She says it prompted her to think about the impact of practical support on overall mental health, wellbeing and resilience. “Research shows that reciprocity promotes involvement and commitment to community. This process of reciprocity enhances social support. Meaning that the more one uses their support network the stronger it becomes. This was relied upon by our tribal ancestors, but less so in our modern living and we are seeing the impact on parental mental health and burnout.”
Again, the statistics on this tell the story of modern parenting, with one third of new parents feeling lonely (The Parenting Index, 2021). Almost 3 in 5 (60%) of lone parents describing themselves as feeling lonely ‘all or most of the time (CSO, 2021). “I hit a low point when I found out I was pregnant with our second child. Mental health issues led me to access the perinatal mental health team in Cork University Maternity Hospital. I’m really open about this and having chatted to many mothers – it’s very common to feel isolated and for it to spiral into mental health issues,” says Emma.
This all got Sue thinking about how to build a community around her. “Right now, I have Care Shared with two other families. I work part-time as a consultant so it’s great to have extra time each week to focus on work, or if the surf is up to jump in the ocean without any mum guilt. I take two other families' kids during the day, in school term after preschool finishes so 12-5pm and then the next day one of them takes mine. Over summer it’s worked really well with no need for childcare. We each get two days to focus on meeting our own needs, whatever they may be – mentally, emotionally, socially, economically, or even spiritually.”
This has worked so well for Sue and her family. “My kids adore the regularity of having their friends over, they learn how to share and how to receive kindness and parenting from other similarly minded families. I feel like I have a village around me, so when unexpected things crop up, I have no hesitation in asking my other families for help. They are also building incredible connections and social skills.”
“I fundamentally believe Care Shared has incredible potential to help parents access much needed support in raising kids. They will have parents around them that support them and that they in turn support. This practical support has the power to improve parental mental health, wellbeing, resilience and thriving. It is fundamental to a healthy matrescence (metamorphosis in becoming a mother).”
“I think every parent no matter what their circumstances struggles with the enormity of parenting. Our society has vastly changed from how we evolved in tribes and with multiple adults helping to raise children. Today we are expected to ‘do it all’ and it is tough, so tough,” says Sue.
Care Shared is targeted at families with children under 5 years old initially, it helps them to connect with other like-minded families and begin to cultivate regular connections with the view to reciprocal child-care. In reality, Sue says “This naturally happens when kids are of school going age, but the idea behind this innovation is to bring this kind of care much earlier in the parenting journey for enhanced support when parents need it most.”
Care Shared isn’t limited to a set time of day and works around the family’s needs. This may be day-time, evenings, weekends or school breaks. Care Shared will create connections between families based on their needs. The model relies on trust, Care Shared recommends at least two play dates before swapping to see if the families are a good fit. Ideally kids will be of a similar age so that they get on and play together happily. Location and critical mass are essential to making this work, so Care Shared are focussing their efforts on developing this in Cork city for now. The ambition is that this would be nationwide and facilitated through an App like Tinder, or Peanut, for now it’s in the learning stage with a website and meet-ups planned.
Care Shared will be launched 10:30am – 12:30pm on 21st October 2023 at Cork City Library spaces are limited so book via www.careshared.org or sign-up to be part of the childcare exchange community. Join them if you’re care-curious, bring your questions and see if this could be an option for your family.