Mum's open letter to her son on his first day of school has us in tears

Mary Katherine Backstrom has perfectly summed up every parents feelings for the upcoming school period. 

When we have our kids home all summer we can't wait for the new term to begin, however, when it's time for one of your children's 'first day' it can also amount to heartbreak. 

Helping your son or daughter dress, getting their lunch box and school bag… and then seeing their face when you get them to the school gates, it's not the easiest task to turn around and leave.

"I smiled reassuringly, but my heart frowned. In the parking lot of your new preschool, there were already tears in your eyes. Your feet shuffled toward your classroom and you gripped my finger like a vice. Your lips were turned down."

"If this is a good thing, why does it feel so hard?"

And it is, as a parent you feel you're abandoning your tot, but sometimes we need to let them go. 

"You reached your arms out and cried my name. Big ole tears streamed down red cheeks. I gave you a kiss and walked back to my car, literally turning my back on your cries. The whole thing wrecked me," cried MK. 

Mum wanted nothing more than for her tot to comprehend why she walked away, but knows he's too young to make sense of it. And she is emotionally wrecked from the experience, already missing their precious time together, her heart breaking, she beings to write a letter so someday he may finally understand. 

"My sweet boy, by the time you are able to read this, these preschool drop-offs will be a distant memory. Truth be told, you probably won’t remember them at all."

"You won’t remember the screaming or the tears or the way your teacher calmly held you as I hurried my way back to the car. You won’t remember all the panic on my face or the redness in your cheeks. You won’t remember, but I promise I will."

The mum-of-two reveals how she along with her husband searched over 12 schools before finding the perfect fit, striving for perfection so he could make great friends and have a trusting relationship with his teachers. 

MK knows that her son will probably never know how guilty she felt leaving him behind at that school, he'll never find out that she called his teacher to know if he was OK, finding out about his circle time and the new friends he had made. 

But yet, Mum hasn't figured out when he is going to have a chance to read this letter: "Maybe you’ll be seven-years-old when you read this, rolling your eyes because this letter only proves how ridiculous Mum truly is. Maybe you’ll be a teenager, embarrassed by this emotional trainwreck of a confession."

Or maybe, you’ll be packing up a safe four-door sedan with blue jeans and polo shirts. There will be a college bumper sticker on the back, a tank full of gas, and you will smile at me as I grip your hand like a vice."

"And maybe as you pull out of the driveway, you’ll find this letter folded neatly in the passenger seat."

But there is one thing that Mum will know by then, that overtime roles reverse, and she'll no longer be the one turning back to her car.

"There will come a day when Mummy is the one at drop-off. Perhaps I’ll put on a brave face. Or there will be big tears streaming down red cheeks. Either way, it will be your turn to hurry back to your car and leave me sniffling in the rearview."

"And when that moment comes, you’ll be looking ahead to some new adventure – not looking back."

Because her little 'nugget' won't remember the day his mum sat in the car to write him that letter, he won't remember they got up an hour early to make muffins before school, and he won't remember the pride. 

"You won’t know all of the pride and love and joy and sadness that simultaneously consumes a parent’s heart when they see their child take a step, or leap, toward independence."

"You won’t know how that feels. But I will."

Just remember mums, when you're doing school drop off, all those feelings you have will stay with you forever. 

And someday, sometime, in the distant future, your tot will  know exactly how you felt too.