Mum pens hilarious letter to people without kids
Ah life without kids, it seems like a social, cocktail fuelled dream.
Instagram star and mum-of-two Rachel Rowlings, is loved among her followers for her candid accounts of motherhood, and her latest post is no different.
She writes an open letter to people sans-kids, and it's got mothers clapping agreement.
"To dear people without kids," she begins. "I no longer remember being you."
"Even when Facebook throws me back to Supre cargo shorts circa ‘02 when passion pop was life, skin was dewey & 30 year olds were pensioners – I still don’t remember you."
Now she watches childless people with, ehhhh, interest.
"I begrudgingly look at you while driving my sensible people-mover, Roman spraying milk onto the roof trying to catch the falling drops with his tongue & Rumer auditioning for the next Scream instalment & I see you – actually sitting to eat, ordering scolding hot drinks that sit a centimetre from the edge & eating foods you have to use utensils for.
"I hear you talking about Cardi B thinking it was a new type of gym exercise & how you use Snapchat for actual videos not just filters.
"I see you look over at me with pity in the Woolies dairy aisle while I’m violently forcing the dummy I dropped onto the sticky patch into my screaming newborns mouth & my toddler, now pantless is sampling a 6 pack of Yukult"
Life is very different without children.
"I notice that you don’t make life long friends with people who are in healthcare queues with you & that you actually enjoy leaving the house."
"Whisper sweet nothings in my ear about what it’s like showering alone & how it feels to watch a movie without subtitles!
"I notice your perky ass fills out your gym pants nicely & don’t gather like a runny turd around a steep ravine mum bum – oh & look you have shellac on all of your fingers, not just the special few."
"A life where if MySpace were still around your top friends would be sleep, maintained false eyelashes, eating with chopsticks & being awesome while mine would be Dettol wipes, Baby Bunting, dropped food & sensible shoes."
But she still has a message to the parents-to-be out there.
"But know this – one day your nose will be picked by someone else, you’ll have enough underboob sweat to fill a 2lt Evian & a decent nights sleep would be 22 mins without waking up from nervousness."
Her warts and all account of parenthood has received rounds of applause from fellow mums:
"Omg this couldn't have come on a better day hahaha today I have felt like I’m losing my mind!"
"Hahaha! FEEL YOU MUMMA!"
"Haha couldn't have said it better. LBK honey (life before kids). Distant memory."
We completely love it, so long pre-kids life. Although we wouldn't change them for the world.