Mum goes to her first yoga class but ends up running out after an 'embarrassing' incident
Pregnancy can be tough on the aul body, something mum-of-two Laura Mazza knows about all too well.
After giving birth to two babies, Laura now suffers from muscle separation which causes her stomach to "kind of point out like a cone".
Following her doctor's advice, the mum signed up for yoga classes, not really knowing what she was about to get herself into.
"For someone who has never done yoga, really, I seem to own a lot of yoga pants," she wrote on her Facebook page, Mum on The Run.
"I got the pair that looked less 'ball-y' from sleeping in and yanked them up nice and high and got a clean top. I was wearing my regular nanna jocks. No time for G-strings here.
"We got into the class and it was dark and there's candles everywhere. (Just a slight fire risk you guys).
"I'm thinking, holy shit this is real yoga, not like 5, 6, 7, 8 and stretccchh… this is 'im going to go to a high place of enlightenment' right here."
While the mum was initially put off by the whole thing, she started to get into her stride after a few upward facing dog movements.
However, it's when they start doing downward facing dog that things start to get a little out of hand.
"We started doing these random positions, moving into the upward facing dog and I feel a nice crack in my back, thinking I can do this…I totally love yoga. I am a yoga girl! Look at me so fit right now.
"We move into the downward facing dog… and that's when I started to feel my guts.
"Now for the past few weeks I have had IBS symptoms like something crazy. My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant.
"And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart.
"I farted. I farted at yoga. I'm a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me."
Embarrassed, Laura continues with the class – sure, no one heard her pffft of air come out.
But things don't get any better.
Continuing, Laura writes: "The teacher then came around and pushed everyone down lower… I thought oh good, going to get a nice crack in my back again. I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again.
"She comes over… pushes my back down…
"And buuuuuuuuuurrppppfffffff. The loudest trumpet comes out of my ass.
"I froze and thought: oh my god. Oh my god.
"OH MY GOD. Sweet baby Jesus. What just happened. I'm dreaming. Surely. I'm in a nightmare.
"My face flushes red and I have tears in my eyes from the embarrassment."
So she does what every self-respecting mum would do: she legs it out the door.
"I got up, attempted to roll up my yoga mat but couldn't do it, so I just kind of chucked it to the side.. and grabbed my shoes and socks and my bag all in my arms and basically bolted out the door.
"I turn around just as I'm closing the door and look up embarrassed to see everyone on their knees wide-eyed staring at me in shock… (or in an awake coma from the smell).
"And guru ashram yoga teacher looks at me, bows her head and joins her hands together and says "namaste".
"And I think 'nah I'm a go', and I run out the door and now I'm sitting at McDonald's eating a sundae crying and laughing.
"Sorry physio. I'm never ever ever EVER, doing yoga again. Fuck the muscle separation."
Best. Story. Ever.
Don't worry, Laura, we're pretty sure you're not the only one this has ever happened to!