Mum finds herself on edge as life becomes overwhelming in amazing post about anxiety

Kimberly Zapata is a writer, public speaker, mental health advocate and most importantly, she is a mum.

And sometimes the busyness can all be a little too much, leaving her anxious, upset and scared. 

"Lately I have been anxious: unbearably anxious. Maybe it is all of the impending changes in my life. […]. Or maybe it is just my damn anxiety disorder, but whatever it is I find myself on edge."

"My heart has been racing and my mind has been chasing after random thoughts and barely formulated ideas. I am afraid of a monster I cannot see, of a future I cannot predict, and of matters in which I have no control."

However, when her anxiety came to a head, leaving her shaking uncontrollably with falling tears while in the bathroom, she realised she was no longer in control: "My thoughts, my feelings, everything was just too big."

"Life suddenly became too overwhelming."

There are several ways in which mums who suffer from anxiety can overcome their fears, but it varies depending on each persons' needs. 

Kimberly explained: "I have anti-anxiety medication to take when I feel this way. A little pill which should put everything into perspective. Which should calm my mind and slow my heart. But it is a little pill I often refuse to take."

Why? Because mental illness still carries a stigma, and when people are prescribed medication, they feel guilty about taking it even though it is prescribed for a very important reason. 

The mum-of-one revealed her reasoning for not taking her medication: "Out of embarrassment. Out of fear. And out of shame."

"So instead of taking my prescription, I sat with my anxiety. I tried to meditate and breathe through it. I tried to write and work through it, but nothing helped."

Trying to 'fix' herself, Kimberly went to the pool, hoping swimming would become her form of escape from what she was feeling, but it didn't. 

"I swam until my breathing was laboured and erratic. Until my heart beat so fast and hard I didn't think it could beat anymore. And then I stopped."

"I sat on the concrete steps and focused on one thing, well two: inhaling and exhaling. In and out. In and out."

And finally Mum did settle, albeit not easily: "It took a few attempts and 26 laps — and, yes, that damn little pill — but I finally feel settled. I am calm(ish)."

But Kimberly's message about how people overcome anxiety, is something which everyone should pay attention to; it's about whatever works for you.

"Make no mistake: anxiety stinks. Depression stinks, and the associated fear, uncertainty, despair, dread, sadness, self-loathing and doubt? It all stinks." 

"But everything passes. With medication. With meditation. With exercise. With counselling or cognitive therapy, group therapy or art therapy, or any other thing which gets you through.

And her advice to everyone going through the same scenario is to find what can pull you through, something you can focus on when anxiety hits, and not forgetting to take some 'me' time. 

"Find what centres. What grounds you. And what pulls you through. And when you need it, go to it. Don't put it off. Don't put yourself down, and don't feel like a pill is giving up. Don't feel like taking 'me time' is giving in. And breathe."

"Try to remember to breathe."

Well done to Kimberly for speaking out on such an important topic, and for trying to help others understand the difficulties of anxiety.