Mum explains how NOT to have The Talk and it’s the best thing you'll read all day
Being a mum, it's inevitable that you will have to have The Talk with your kids at some stage.
No matter how much you try to leave it up to the school, a time will come when your son or daughter will ask a question that you simply won't be able to fob off as 'oh, hold on I think I hear my phone ringing'.
In fact, as one mum explains, you should probably prepare yourself for how you are going to "handle questions regarding anatomy" so you're not, you know, caught off guard.
In a post on her blog, Biscuits and Crazy, mum Ashford Evans recalled a time when her daughter, Meeny, walked in on her dad in the shower.
Giving a little background on the family dynamic at the time, Ashford explained that she had just given birth and Meeny was two-years-old.
"One particular afternoon as I was [chained to the couch] nursing the baby she sneaked into the bathroom while Hubs was in the shower," Ashford wrote.
"He was enjoying a few moments of silence under the water when he opened his eyes to see a wide-eyed two-year-old staring directly at his….well, you know.
"Eventually she wandered out and silently sat next to me on the couch while Hubs hurriedly finished his shower.
"I guess he felt like they needed to have a conversation to discuss the encounter and shortly after he came out in just a towel and sat down next to her."
And this is where the trouble began!
Continuing, Ashford recalls her husband's next steps (and we cannot stop laughing!):
“'Baby, come here. Let’s have a little talk,' he began."
"She blankly stared at him.
"'What you have are little lady parts…'
"She nodded in agreement. As I sat nervously waiting to see where this was leading.
"'And what Daddy has…'
"He paused searching for the words
"'Are Big Ole Man parts,' he proudly finished."
Adding how her jaw hit the floor, Ashford hoped that her daughter wouldn't really take in what her dad said.
However, a month later the mum realised that the situation wasn't over, when her daughter said she wanted to wash her brother's big old man parts!
Taking the opportunity to clear the matter up, the mum told Meeny that the penis was in fact called a peepee.
"Well, a few weeks later we were almost ready for school and I asked Hubby to put Meeny on the potty while I ran upstairs to grab their shoes.
"I was gone all of 5 minutes – which was apparently just long enough. When I returned all three (that would be Hubs, Eeny, and Meeny) of them were in the bathroom together and both kids were yelling 'PENIS!! PENIS!! PENIS!!' at the top of their lungs.
“'Hey Babe, I taught them the correct terminology,' Hubs proudly proclaimed smiling at me.
"I just stood there in silence my mouth agape.
“'PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!' they yelled louder.
"I just shook my head giving him the 'what have you done now' look and put their shoes on. The whole way to school they chorused together 'PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!'
"This was clearly out of my hands – I’ll have to thank him later.
"When I dropped them off I told the teachers that I would be heading out of town that day and here was my husband’s cell number if they had any issues."
And the moral of the story…? Lock your bathroom door!