'I did not like my children': mum's letter about postpartum depression is essential reading

Postpartum depression is very real and very scary. Unfortunately, there's still a stigma around mental illness which stops mums from getting the essential help they need. 

Nobody asks for depression, nobody wants to be depressed and it's a disease which needs proper professional intervention, caring and support. 

Tiffany Jenkins, mum-of-two and blogger, recently went viral with her heart-breaking post about postpartum depression. 

"I did not like my children when this photo was taken," she begins. "I actually resented them for existing. 

"Kaiden was 17 months old and Chloe 1 month, and I didn't want to be their mother, I didn't want to change their diapers, feed them, and most of the time – I wanted to leave them in their cribs and run out the door, never to return. I'm serious.

"I know that some of your jaws are hanging open, and some of you are probably disgusted thinking, 'how the hell can someone dislike their own children?'. I know, it's effed up, which is why it took me so long to tell anybody about it." 

Worried that her feelings were unacceptable, she pushed them down. 

"I remained silent and buried my thoughts. I smiled for photos and mustered false admiration when someone would fawn over them. I cried often, most of the day actually. I questioned my sanity and constantly berated myself for being such a shitty person. I screamed, I hid, I let them cry and pulled my hair out. I didn't want them anymore. I didn't want them." 

Even her husband and father of the children had no idea what she was going through. 

"My husband didn't know. He was gone a lot, working. I couldn't tell him, he'd regret having children with me. I was alone." 

Until one day, she knew she had reached breaking point. 

"One day I decided I wasn't going to get them out of their cribs. I was going to leave them there, let them cry and soil themselves. I didn't care. I couldn't care. I tried to care. I COULDN'T care."

Instead she picked up the phone and made a call that saved her life. 

"I called my doctors office. The moment my favourite receptionist answered I broke down in tears. I told her I didn't want to be a mum anymore and she told me to 'Come in IMMEDIATELY'. I did. The doctor spoke to me about Postpartum Depression as if he'd had this conversation thousands of times.

"Turns out he had. Turns out I was one of MILLIONS of women experiencing those feelings at that exact moment. I wasn't crazy. Something was wrong with my brain. Something I couldn't fix alone. My doctor and I fixed it together."

That was two years ago, and she's never been more grateful than for the help she received. 

"My kids are 2 & 3 now, and I love and adore them so much that my heart physically aches when I think of them. I would give my life for them without blinking. 

"Reaching out for help was the greatest gift I have ever given them as a mother. 

"If any of this sounds familiar to you, I just wanted you to know — you aren't alone. You aren't crazy — and you need to tell someone."

Her message stuck a chord with many mums, some of whom also suffered from PPD, or know someone who has. 

Raw and honest, her story will stick with us for a long time. 

If you have been affected by anything in this article, see here for help and resources.