How to deal when your teenage daughter dresses innapropriately

From a young age girls are bombarded with sexualised images of women on a daily basis. The part magazines, television shows and commercials play in socialising children to think these images are not only normal, but expected, should never be underestimated.

Even when we think we are protecting our girls, we can’t always control what they are being exposed to – think, for example, of the perfume billboards featuring half-naked models we see daily on the high street.

While we do our best to educate our girls to take the media’s often unrealistic representation of women with a pinch of salt, we’re up against a lot. Peer pressure and the way the media encourages the hero worship of precocious teens like Kylie Jenner can often have us fighting what seems like an uphill battle.

So how do we approach our girls if we think they are dressing inappropriately?

Approach the subject gently

Going in all guns blazing isn’t going to solve anything. Instead, gently ask interested, non-judgemental questions about your daughter’s new look. Leading questions like: “Why did you buy that?” and “I didn’t know you liked that kind of style?” can prompt answers that will give you an idea of why your daughter has decided to dress that way.

Don’t make it about body shame

Encouraging your daughter to cover up should never stem from shame of a woman’s body parts. The female body is beautiful, and we need to tell our girls this, while differentiating a healthy pride in our bodies with dressing in a way that’s harmful.

Bring your own experiences into the discussion

A non-threatening way of discussing the harmful effects of dressing inappropriately could be to talk about your own experiences. You could tell your daughter that when you were younger you wrongly dressed in a certain way because your friends did too, or to get attention from boys.

Reiterate that it’s the wrong kind of attention without patronising them

Our teens are intelligent. Deep down they know it isn’t right a boy should only like them because they’re wearing tight, suggestive clothing. However, remember when you were a teenager – what you knew and what you felt were often two different things. Hormones are wild at this difficult stage and a teen’s self-esteem can be shaky, so bear that in mind when having the ‘wrong kind of attention’ chat.

Get dad involved

Tread carefully though – teenage girls don’t cope well with mortification! Dad can bring a male insight that can be eye-opening to your daughter.

Enlist the help of a ‘cool’ aunt or family member

We know, we know, sad as it is there are many times our daughters just don’t think we’re cool enough to have a clue what’s going on with them. Don’t worry, as soon as they have their own teenage daughters they’ll come running with heartfelt apologies. Until then, enlist the help of a family member who your daughter respects and get them to take her shopping.

There’s no doubt it’s a tricky situation – but it’s one that if we approach sensitively and carefully, we can sort out.

What are your experiences with this? Have you any advice for our readers?