Harsh but true: birth photographer on why mums shouldn't be waiting for reward

Breanna Gravener is a busy woman. Along with two young sons and a newborn, she also runs a successful birth photography business, based in Bendigo, Australia.

Gravener definitely understands the daily grind of being a working mum, but she had a unique reflection to share recently. 

We, as mothers, shouldn't be waiting for a reward. 

As harsh as it may sound, she makes some really good points. 

Writing on her business's Facebook, she tells how she fell into a 'mental trap' in 2017: 

"I started to feel that I just had to get through it, pass time, and the reward will come for raising them later… perhaps much later.

I wanted them to be more independent of me, stop calling my name so often, and stop being at each other. It was much harder to see the good parts, and my mind was frazzled constantly."

But that got her thinking, what exactly is the reward that she seeks? 

"But what is my reward? Is it being left alone? Of course not. I love them.

Is it having a solid night sleep? Of course not, I did that before children.

Will I be completely satisfied when they finally pick up their own mess? No. I still have a husband." 

Eventually, she realised that the present moment is her reward: 

"Today is my reward. To have them. To hold them. To be wanted. To be loved. To be needed. To be cuddled. To never feel lonely." 

Although it may seem simple, Gravener admits that seeing the rewards in the everyday is not easy: 

"Yes it's so hard at the moment. Many of my own desires are on the back burner.

But I'll do my best to stop waiting for my reward of Motherhood and acknowledge I'm living a lot of it already."

Speaking to Kidspot, Gravener shared her motivation for moving from being a school photographer to a birth photographer. 

"There were so many moments in that birth space, and I thought if I can take women into the space in a new way and photography can do that, and just show them the beautiful bits then they could approach their own birth with less fear and more joy."

She explained that she was inspired to make the leap after giving birth to her first child: 

"That sort of became my mission; to show the beauty in it."