Grieving in silence: mum turns stillbirth tragedy into charity for bereaved parents
This week on our Mums Who Inspire series, we chatted with Julie Morrison, founder of The Baby Loss Retreat, providing retreats for parents affected by still births. If you have a story that you would like to be featured, email mumswhoinspire[at]magicmum[dot]com.
“There was nothing wrong with her. She had all her fingers and toes. She was perfect.”
Julie Morrison, from Coatsbridge, Scotland, recalls the first time she saw her daughter, Erin.
"She was only two pounds, she was tiny."
In 2003, Julie and her husband were expecting their first child. During a routine scan, medical staff noticed that Erin was not growing normally. They started weekly scans to monitor her progress.
"I was due a scan on the Monday but I felt really unwell at the weekend. I knew there was something wrong, so my husband brought me to the hospital."
Tragically, at two weeks premature baby Erin passed away. Her death, as Julie would later find out, was due to a blood clot in the placenta. The heartbroken couple had to then arrange a funeral their baby girl.
“We were young and I wasn't working at the time so the funeral was arranged through the hospital."
The hospital claimed that Erin was too young to be cremated, despite a widespread acceptance that baby's ashes can be collected after 17 weeks.
The couple went on to have three beautiful children, a girl, 13, and two boys, 11 and 2, but still honoured Erin's memory.
“I spoke to the kids when they were about seven and told them about Erin and why were doing this in memory of her. I have pictures of her around the house."
Julie began to take part in Angel Walks, a charity walk for stillbirths. The walks were healing for Julie, sharing her experience with mothers who had also lost babies helped her to heal.
"Counselling didn't work for me, many parents I met said that it wasn't for them either. So the support of other parents is so important. Even knowing other stories and having someone to talk about medication with so they can go back to their doctors and say ‘I want to try this’”
However, thirteen years after Erin's passing, Julie received a message from a stranger on Facebook. Erin's ashes had been found on the grounds of a funeral parlour in Glasgow.
Julie and Bryan launched a legal case against the funeral directors, but there was one issue.
"There was no paperwork about the cremation, so we don't have anyone that we can actually sue."
Furthermore, with no paper trail, the family cannot confirm if the ashes returned to them are actually Erin's. During the investigation it was discovered that the ashes for stillborns had been mixed with those of adults.
Despite this, having Erin's remains is a great relief to the family.
"It’s a comfort to know that she’s there.”
Involved in charities for stillbirths, Julie decided to take her tragedy and use it to help other grieving parents.
After Erin's funeral, the couple booked a holiday away, craving some much-needed breathing space .
“After something like that people try to butt in and tell you what you should be doing. Sometimes you just need space to grieve.”
Realising that not every couple has the means to take a holiday after a loss, they set up The Baby Loss Retreat.
They plan to provide a holiday home for parents to retreat to and be able to grieve without the intrusions and pressures of the everyday.
With a fundraising goal of £10,000 to cover rent and amenities, they are set on finding a perfect location for the retreat.
"We've been listening to other parents and what they want. Somewhere quiet, preferably not a family destination- being surrounded by children after losing one is unbearable for some couples.
“We want the retreat to cater for everybody- families, single parents, couples without children. That’s why we’re taking time to choose the right place.”
They are currently seeking temporary accommodation to begin retreats and appreciate any help that can get in this.
Julie's ultimate goal is open and eventually expand the retreat to include groups and for any parent that needs it within six months of the babies passing.
As for Julie, Erin will always be in her heart.
"I'm not going to hide her. She’s still my baby and she’ll still always be my child.”
For more information on the Baby Loss Retreat see here or to donate here.