First time mum advice: 'You are not obligated to cherish every moment'
Mum-to-be, Sarah Turner, is pondering the event of when she became a mother for the first time, thinking about how she would enlighten another.
The first time she showered alone, the late nights and the baby's screams; but with the experience of two behind her, and another on the way, she's opening up on advice for fellow mums-to-be.
The Unmumsy Mum, writes in an honest snippet the difficulties she faced, but also includes some insight into the things she wished she had done the first time around.
"The new mum me was a bundle of self-doubt. I wasn’t doing anything right. I wasn’t cut out for it. My baby deserved better. I was failing."
The simple art of taking a five-minute shower was sure to scar her baby forever as she 'ignored' him, the only event of the day she could recall when her husband returned from work.
"I was sure this had emotionally scarred our baby for life, and not the 9.5 other hours I had attentively fed him ‘on demand,’ cuddled him and whispered to him that he was the most perfect thing I had ever seen."
Looking back, it made Sarah feel sad, but helped her to perfectly sum up what she believes to be solid advice for first-time mums; with her immediate thought turning to the daily moments we are 'obligated' to cherish.
"It’s true that it will all ‘be over in a flash', […], at 2am, however, when you’re not sure if the wet patch in the bed is leaked breast milk or leaked baby excrement, it is also true that you will quite justifiably wonder what the actual f**k has happened to your life."
"Nobody cherishes every moment. Yes, some moments are magic. But others are a bit shit. […] Social media will never reflect this shitstorm because social media is not real life."
However, the advice which really grasped our attention, is the one which mums are slow to take up; there is no shame in asking for help.
Mum's constantly feel pressurised to have a mothering instinct which makes you the perfect mum as soon as your little one arrives into the world, when in fact, for any first-time mum, it's a learning curve.
A learning curve that occasionally requires a helping hand: "Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Quite the contrary, it is a sign of strength."
"To be struggling and to admit that you are struggling demonstrates a kick-ass determination and fierceness in your ability to look after your baby," adds Sarah.
But if there's one thing that Sarah learned from becoming a mum, it was the amazing belief that it is all worth it.
The soon to be mum-of-three knows that there will be several moments that will remind you how amazing motherhood truly is, and when people tell you 'it will all be worth it', she wants you to have faith that it will be.
"You might want to smack them in the face. But they are right. The new mum me who broke down in the shower couldn't see it."
"I was yet to feel my heart jump at the sound of my baby's giggle. I was yet to feel the overwhelming pride of watching him have a go at writing his name […]."
"I want you to know that there are magical moments to come. And some shit ones, too, which you are absolutely not required to cherish."
Because as a first time parent that is something Sarah had wish she knew, and it is something we wish we had known too.
It's not always sunshine and roses, but when it is, it's worth every second.