Don't feel daunted: Here's how to have ‘the talk’ with your tween
Thinking about having ‘the talk’ with your children can make you feel a little anxious, especially if you, like many other parents, feel you won’t have all the answers.
Chances are, your children will probably start asking where babies come from, from a young age – usually around five or six.
So, by the time your kids have reached tween status (age nine to 12), you may have had some time to prepare for ‘the talk’; if not, don’t worry.
There's no need to feel daunted, there are plenty of ways to initiate the conversation. For example, you could get them a DVD and watch it together. There are also plenty of books available, or you could look up the information together online.
Keep the conversation light and age-appropriate – chances are, they will feel embarrassed too.
Here are five tips to help you prepare:
1. Learn to talk to them
If you find it difficult to talk to your child about everyday things, try to work on that beforehand. This will lay the foundations for the more important discussion.
Establishing open communication with your children is key, as it will make things easier when you need to talk to them about important things like sexuality.
They will feel more comfortable asking questions if they feel they can talk to you.
2. Do your research
If you feel you don’t have all the answers, do some research before you talk to them.
Try to find out what they already know, and then find out what you think they should know; like the names for body parts and their functions.
3. What they should know
Things tweens should know about are: puberty, sexuality, contraception/ pregnancy/ abortion, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), abuse/ risky situations.
4. ‘The talk’
Use daily events to talk to them about a specific topic, such as a friend’s pregnancy or a TV show. This will keep the lines of communication open, by making it an ongoing conversation topic – and they will feel more relaxed about asking questions.
If you don’t know the answer to a question, you could look up the answer together online or in a book you could buy beforehand.
5. What? When? How? Why?
They will have lots of questions, but keep it light – don’t react or make a big deal out of it. Talking openly about these topics will normalise it, and you will reinforce the open communication you have already instilled.
Give them the facts honestly and directly – don’t worry if you don’t know the answer; look it up.
They will probably be curious about your relationship, but you could just say that it's private, and use another example to answer their questions.