'A letter to all that judge me and my son, 5, for using a stroller'
Jade McNamara is a blogger from Limerick, and also mum to a five-year-old boy, who has autism. Here she has written an open letter in her blog, Bigbrowsmessyhair.com, in order to raise awareness of autism, and has kindly allowed MagicMum to share it.
This is an open letter to all that judge me and my five-year-old for using a stroller.
Being a mum to a child with special needs means you need to grow a thick skin and fast.
You think the stares and whispers behind your back will become easier to deal with, but they don't .
Every special needs parent knows the judgemental stares or unsolicited remarks they receive from strangers.
When people see a child with a physical disability they are immediately understanding.
But children with autism very often have no discernible differences in appearance.
Their disability is hidden from the eye to a large extent.
Strangers are quick to judge you as a mother and on your parenting skills.
They don’t see the parent that has been up since 3.30am as their five-year-old child struggles with sleep patterns or the parent that spends time with her child in speech, occupational and psychology therapy.
They don’t see the parent that has turned their house into a home-school as there isn’t anything available for their child.
They don’t see the home therapists and tutors coming day in and day out of your home.
They don’t see the parent that spends their evenings going through Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) data sheets to keep track of their child’s progression and regression.
They don’t see the parent that spends her free time doing online courses to gain as much knowledge as possible to understand their child’s diagnosis.
They don’t see the parent that longs to have a conversation with their child or to hear them utter the word 'Mummy'.
They don’t see the parent that struggles to find nappies to fit their five-year-old child.
They don’t see the parent that still needs to feed their big kids all their meals as they have poor fine motor skills.
They just see the stroller.
Comments such as "he is too big to be in a stroller" or "he just needs to be disciplined" are just some of the unsolicited and patronising things we hear on a regular day.
Parents of children with special needs shouldn’t feel embarrassed or intimidated.
We are parenting the best as we can.
Meltdowns and behavioural issues can be so unpredictable. One change in their routine or a sudden loud noise could cause my child to behave in an unexpected manner.
All of these examples mentioned are simply out of my control.
So next time you see a child in a stroller and you think they look too old to be using one, don’t judge or assume the kid or parent is lazy.
Don’t stare or cast patronising marks.
Just simply think that there might actually be a perfectly valid reason we are choosing to use one.
To read the post in full, head over to Jade's blog here: www.bigbrowsmessyhair.com