A mum's exploration: Is raising our children more fun than we like to admit?
We can all relate to the fact that when we have children our lives drastically change.
There is less time to meet up with friends, go for drinks, or shop to your hearts content on a Saturday.
Between school-runs, sports, homework, cooking, cleaning and having to use coupons to buy diapers, we're too exhausted to do anything but sleep when the children are eventually in bed or off at a sleep over.
The days of care-free trips and chilling are a thing of the past, and we fondly remember the days of old, how amazing they were, and how we didn't appreciate the freedom we once owned.
Then there are the days when we do eventually get to meet our friends, and each time that we do, there is a new bub entering the gang.
A new addition, and a first child for one of your friends.
And you're excited; so excited that you congratulate them and remind them of all the things that will change in their lives – the terrifying truth of parent life.
Jamila Rizvi is one of those parents; when her friend informed her that his wife was expecting, Jamila and the rest of her gang indulged.
"It was a sick, indulgent pleasure to scare him in this way. We relished the opportunity to complain about how tough parenting can be to an uninitiated newbie."
And we're all indulgent, each one of us give out the same warning signals; but maybe there's a possibility that we do this too often…
Following another encounter with a friend from an old work place, Jamila was reminded of how nowadays when people hear you have children, they almost give you a pitiful look.
"A few days later I caught up with a colleague from a previous job. We’d worked together before I became a mum. She hugged me tight when I arrived, looked meaningfully into my eyes and said, 'You look really, really well'."
"It was as if I’d recently recovered from a prolonged illness. There was pity and concern in her expression. It took me a moment to realise she was referring to my not-so-recently-acquired status as a parent."
Her friend confided: “It must be incredibly hard. You know, I’ve always wanted a family but sometimes I’m honestly not sure if I could do it. Or if I even want to do it anymore.”
Jamila instantly realised that all the bad 'PR' has actually scared people off having children.
"We started becoming more honest about parenting. […] Honesty gave way to camaraderie. It became socially acceptable to admit that entertaining a child all day can be deathly dull."
"Complaining about lack of sleep and fantasies of running away to the nearest cocktail bar and never looking back became a method of parental bonding. So we did more of it, […], until many of us simply forgot to talk about the good stuff at all."
While Jamila admits that becoming a mum is the hardest thing she has ever done; remembering how she felt only a mere 14-days after her son's birth, she also acknowledges that she is guilty of scaring non-parents about what they should expect.
Moreover, she knows she has enjoyed doing so too.
"But becoming a parent has also been the single best thing that has ever happened to me. My kid brings joy and delight to the everyday. I am rediscovering the world through his eyes, finding the exceptional in the ordinary and marvelling at it all."
"My husband and I laugh more than we ever did before our kid was born. And speaking of my husband, I’ve fallen in love with him all over again, watching him become a dad," added the mum-of-one.
The Australian mum doesn't pen her piece to preach, but to encourage parents to remember the good parts when speaking to others.
"Fellow parents of small people, next time you’re having a whine or vent to someone without kids, try to remember the good stuff."
"Don’t pull back on your complaining because gosh dammit, toilet training is the very definition of hell on earth. But just try to throw in some of the good stuff as well."
In a last minute plea to fellow parents, Jamila resonates: "The parents of the future will thank you for it when it’s their turn."
Parenting is truly the greatest gift there is, we do like a moan, but Jamila makes a good point, we should spread the good news too!