10 parenthood rules they DON'T tell you in the books

I never realised when I became a mum that I’d need a degree in the following subjects:

1. Engineering (Lego)

2. Nursing (cut-knees)

3. Teaching (why the sky is blue)

4. Psychology (why do you only want to wear one shoe today?)

5. Accounting (seriously, I forgot how difficult fractions are)

6. Chef (can a person live off pasta and pesto forever?)

7. Homework (seriously, there should be a refresher course for parents – good thing I cheat on school projects by just printing everything out!)

The list goes on and on.

Being a parent is one of the most exciting, challenging and fascinating jobs in the world, but I honestly felt like I jumped in at the deep end. I now know that everyone feels like this at the start.

I had read every possible parenting book, searched topics online and even had a little notebook I would jot tips down when I came across them but some things even the books don’t mention.

Like these important facts:

1. They don’t tell you that you will feel mildly delirious for at least the first few months (minimum)

2. EVERYTHING will make you teary. I cried because my husband flicked a spider near me and projectile cried watching a documentary about Shetland ponies (it wasn’t even sad but their little faces were just so cute it made me emotional) They also don’t tell you that this new emotional side never really goes away.

3. You will NEVER have a wet wipe out of your hand. You will use them for everything –  including cleaning the entire house.

4. You will perfect new and amazing skills including changing a nappy in the dark with one hand and locating lost soothers under the passenger seat of the car like a sniffer hound. Amazing.

5. You will never have a phone conversation again without a child crying at some stage.

6. You will have a catch phrase for distracting your child in times of need – like when they cut their knee, don’t want to eat their dinner or are about to have a tantrum in the supermarket. Mine is ‘look, a squirrel!’ We once saw one in the garden and the children were completely fascinated so I’m just going to stick with that.

The people in the supermarket sometimes get an awful fright but I will do whatever it takes to prevent a major tantrum situation.

7. Often it is NOT just a phase. Sometimes it is simply personality that makes your toddler do certain things, certain ways –  and you will just have to live with the consequences.

8. Supermarket shopping alone is basically the same as a trip to Hawaii. You will return refreshed and ready for the world of two-year-olds.

9. You will find yourself saying things like ‘Don’t lick the toilet seat’ and ‘We don’t eat things from under the sofa’ more often that you would think.

10. The books also don’t tell you what an unbelievably amazing experience it is when you fall so deeply in love with another human that you almost want to eat them. It doesn’t prepare you for the fierce protection you will feel and that need to keep them safe forever.

Enjoy every moment, mums!