The HEARTBREAKING moment dad realises son has no friends
A dad has posted an incredibly sad, yet ultimately inspiring open letter, asking us to teach our kids to include children who are ‘different’ – like his 11-year old son Christopher, who is on the autism spectrum.
Two things compelled dad Bob Cornelius to post the plea on his Facebook page: the viral story of the football player who sat with a lonely child at lunch, and a project his son did for school.
The project was a simple question and answer exercise, where the child filled in details like name, family members and what they would like to be when they grew up. But one question in particular caught Bob’s eye. It said, “Some of my friends are…” But heartbreakingly, Christopher replied, “No one.”
“Never have five letters cut so deep, and they weren't even directed at me,” Bob wrote. “It was just an overly simplistic statement that spoke volumes. And because I know him so well, and because I have pretty good handle on him after raising him for eleven years, I know this disconnect makes him feel lonely, and it makes him sad.”
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Bob went on to talk about Christopher’s differences, the ones he thinks cause other kids to exclude him.
“My son is very smart and has a great sense of humour,” he says. “Every adult that meets him is drawn to him. However, because he needs the input, he will spontaneously flap his arms and make loud, guttural sounds from time to time. It draws a lot of attention in public. If you're not used to it, it's normal to feel embarrassed, as you will have all the eyes in the room upon you. He will ask the same question fifty times in a short period of time.”
“I know this disconnect makes him feel lonely, and it makes him sad.”
And so Bob wants us to talk to our children about kids with special needs, taking the initiative to foster much needed understanding and compassion.
“I don't have a solution,” he says. “I don't have an answer. The reality is that I have to rely on the compassion of others to be incredibly understanding in order just to sit next to him, attempt to engage him, and make him feel included.
“The only solution I can come up with is to share this with you and ask that you have a conversation with your kids. Please tell them that children with special needs understand far more than we give them credit for. They notice when others exclude them. They notice when they are teased behind their back (a lot of times ‘behind their back’ is right in front of them because they think the 'different' child doesn't understand). But mostly they are very much in tune when they are treated differently from everyone else. Trust me when I tell you this hurts them. Even if it's not obvious to you and me”
“Please tell them that children with special needs understand far more than we give them credit for. They notice when others exclude them.”
Bob hopes that by spreading is message, his son’s voice will be heard.
“I'm not so naive that I think this post is going to change the world,” he says. “But, if, by sharing this, I can make you think about having a conversation with your children about empathy, about going out of their way to include those that are different from everybody else, especially if it goes against the group mentality, especially if it's not socially popular (I'm not so old that I don't remember that this takes bravery, socially, in the middle and high school world), then I will feel like Christopher's voice has been heard.
“And the child that will finally reach out to him, that will help him, that will include him, will be the kindest child I have ever had met.”
Just incredible words. And ones that need to be listened to.